‘In that moment, I felt 100% myself’: ECU marks National Coming Out Day
East Carolina University students, faculty and staff shared laughs, tears and coming out stories over lunch during the annual National Coming Out Day celebration at the East Carolina University Health Sciences Student Center on Friday.
The event, which was hosted by the Health Sciences Sexual and Gender Diversity Committee (SGDC), provided an opportunity to celebrate coming out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer (LGBTQ) and share coming out stories for members of the community on the Health Sciences Campus.
Simone Boney, left, and Jenelle Brison look at T-shirts at the National Coming Out Day event on campus. (Photo by Cliff Hollis)
Dr. Brandon Kyle — assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Medicine, chair of the SGDC and organizer of the event — said events like these were important to give people a chance to come together in community, and important to be inclusive of LGBTQ faculty, staff and students.
“Events where people can hear and share stories just really allows for people to know that they are not alone, that they are cared about, that they are supported,” Kyle said. “I think it gives people, as well, an opportunity to feel empowered. To take something that can be so vulnerable and challenging as sharing something so personal as a coming out story in a public format and being able to have such a good reception for it really can serve to empower people.”
Some of the event’s speakers noted a common misconception about coming out — that you do it once and it’s done. But for many in the LGBTQ community, there’s a recurring internal debate each time they meet someone new.
“The biggest thing that popped out to me is the notion of ‘coming out’ and how sometimes it seems just about this single-time thing — you do it, you get it over with and it’s done,” said Erin Bunch, a transgender medical student. “Each new interaction, each new place is a place where you’re faced with that question: Do you take that risk to say, ‘I don’t care what other people think’ and acknowledge who you are? Or do you hide in silence, hoping you won’t be noticed?”
Medical student Erin Bunch speaks during the National Coming Out Day event at the Health Sciences Student Center. (Photo by Cliff Hollis)
Some speakers relayed the pain of feeling unable to be fully themselves before coming out; the feeling of having parents and other loved ones who weren’t accepting of that aspect of themselves. Many relayed their sense of relief when they were finally able to come out to their loved ones and emphasized the importance of feeling like they were able to be themselves.
Andrés Gil, a first-medical student originally from Colombia, shared his story of discovering he was gay as a teenager in a deeply religious culture with parents whose reluctance to believe and accept his status lasted for years.
“I remember being 15 years old and I remember I’d been toying with the idea — I think I’m gay — and I told my mother and she said, ‘No. No, you’re not gay.’ And I said “Well, I think I am.” She said, ‘Well, don’t tell your father,’ and I didn’t. And I went back into the closet — not just to them, but to myself,” Gil said.
For years after that, Gil said he identified publicly as straight.
“It’s just something that eats at you, every day of your life you feel like an imposter everywhere you go,” he said. “You sit at your family table and everyone is themselves except for you, and that’s the worst part.
“I went on to university and made some really good friends who were part of the LGBT community when I identified as straight. Bit by bit, I saw people who loved themselves for who they were, accepted themselves for the amazing people that they are. So, I came to terms with my sexuality.”
ECU students, faculty and staff shared coming out stories at the National Coming Out Day event at the Health Sciences Student Center. (Photo by Natalie Sayewich)
Eventually, Gil said, he came out to his mother, and later to his father.
“It was the most amazing feeling in the world,” he said. “I had nightmares (about it) for years. … But it was amazing, because in that moment I felt 100% myself.”
Friday’s event marked the third year an event celebrating Coming Out Day was held on the health sciences campus. Kyle noted that the event and the SGDC has benefitted immensely from the support of the Dr. Jesse R. Peel LGBTQ Center on the university’s main campus, where another event celebrating the occasion also was held on Friday.
“I think that what we’re doing now is a wonderful way to extend marking National Coming Out Day across all of ECU’s campuses,” Kyle said. “So whether you find yourself on the Health Sciences Campus or over on the east campus, that there is a chance for you to come together with people and mark and note the day.”
-by Natalie Sayewich, University Communications